


Loneliness and Hope

by orphan_account



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Blood and Violence, Christmas Fluff, Depression, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Fusion, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Sexual Tension, Spoilers for Episode: s05e25 Legs From Here To Homeworld, Underage Drinking, What Was I Thinking?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-06-27 08:34:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15681822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Lars returned home a while ago and is now going to spend Christmas all alone, since his parents visit other relatives. Steven stumbles upon him and wants to take him to his home to celebrate together. Lars is reluctant however, as he thinks he would only be a burden.Over the course of them staying together, more and more of Lars' dark secrets are unveiled. But they may also lead to positive developments.





	1. Being left alone

**Author's Note:**

> I'm trying to write something more fluff-based and less smutty or dramatic for once. I know it's not the right season for this theme, but whatever. Hope you enjoy :)
> 
> EDIT: yeah, i failed there. It's gonna be dramatic and smutty.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lars is left alone and tries to cope with it.

~~19th December~~

"We are going to visit your uncle and aunt this year," was the sentence, which ruined Christmas for him. Not instantly, but soon enough. Lars had nothing against visiting his extended family at all; he liked his cousins! Also, he had been home for three months now and it was pretty boring. His crew had settled down outside of town and Steven had managed to negotiate a peace-treaty with Homeworld. Everyone seemed to have settled down, besides  _him_. He didn't even go to school anymore or work. He spend all his time at home, doing nothing really. Some might even say, he was a little depressed at the lack of adventure. So meeting his crazy relatives would be awesome!

He chirped happily "Nice! When will we drive there?" They currently stood in the kitchen, which had already been decorated and smelled like cookies. His mom and dad frowned a little in concern and looked at each other. Nobody wanted to say it.

"Son..." Dante began sadly confessing "Only your mom and I will go there, you'll stay here."

"W-What?! Why? You know I changed- I-I like seeing them once in a while, too!" Lars looked at them in hurt. His past self would have been happy at being left alone, but not  _him_!

His mom went on to say "Oh sweetie, we know! But... You also know, your relatives have never come into contact with...  _gems and magic_ that much, like we did. T-They might react badly to seeing you." She only wanted to protect Laramie from being made fun of or thought of as crazy!

He backed away slightly and stated "You are embarrassed of me, aren't you?" He thought they were over this! His pinkish skin and his clothing had always upset the two. The latter he had already ditched for them, but the other was irreversible! He now wore his old clothes, that were mainly black. His _parents_ should support him...

Dante declined "No Laramie. W-We are very proud of you! It's just... it wouldn't be a very nice Christmas for you, if your cousins made fun of you all the time. You know, how they are..."

"A-And leaving me  _alone_ is better?!" the zombie snapped at them. He couldn't believe this! They didn't say anything more, so he stormed up to his room angrily. This was so unfair! Everyone led awesome lives and was happy, while he was being discarded and ignored! 

~~20th December, Evening~~

He hadn't left his room, despite having heard his parents leaving. Instead he quietly sobbed, not knowing what to do. He hated this so much! He'd rather have Homeworld declaring  _war_ on them than this! He wanted to be in space and  _fight_! But no one seemed to want this as well... Or want  _him_. Literally no one cared about him anymore; it was as if he was still gone! Steven texted him once in a while and Sadie did as well, but it wasn't enough. He felt so  _alone_. He went on crying a little more at this, sitting on his bed. He couldn't live like this  _forever_. He was immortal... 

He had to get his mind off of this, so he decided to drown out his worries a little. He went downstairs and opened a cupboard in the kitchen. His dad would kill him, but whatever. It was their fault for leaving him! He took one of the wine-bottles of his dad, the  _most expensive one_ , and went to the living room. There he collapsed onto the couch and turned the TV on, intending to binge on Christmas-movies. Perhaps he'd even manage to pass out like this. He couldn't sleep anymore, which only gave him more time to be miserable.  He watched  _Christmas Vacation_ first and bitterly laughed, while drinking straight from the bottle. The Barriga family was probably equally as crazy and dysfunctional as the one in the film. He loved them, though, and that was why he felt horrendous at being excluded. Once the movie was finished, he had already downed half the bottle. Either it wasn't that strong, or he couldn't get drunk. He prayed for the former and continued.

It proved to be a mistake. He soon had to run for the toilet and puke his guts out. Not because he had gotten that drunk, but because the amount of liquid in his stomach made him sick. He sank down in front of the toilet, sobbing anew. Not even this worked! He'd have to endure all of this, with no escape. He decided there was no use in sitting on the toilet's floor and weakly ascended. If at least his friends were here...  _If he had any_. Sadie had acquired better friends than him, after all. The Off-Colors were happy enough on their own and  _Steven_... Steven was a completely different disaster, he did not want to think about. 

He hated this house right now. Everything was overloaded with decor. Happy angels, Santa Clauses and reindeer smiled at him, having the time of their life. The smell of their Christmas tree hang heavy in the air and his mom had even made him more cookies... He had to  _get out_. He got his keys and money, before stepping outside and slamming the door shut. It was pretty cold outside and a bit of snow lay on the floor. He didn't mind, although he only wore a t-shirt. His body was cold anyway...

He had no idea where to go, but made his way into town. At least he wouldn't be lonely there! He soon enough was at the pier, people running around, being busy. Some carried nicely wrapped presents in their hand, others still had to buy some. He met Mr. Smiley and Ronaldo, but they only grunted a short hello, before vanishing. Other people weren't better, some didn't even take notice of him. It was as if he was a ghost. He slumped down on a bench, watching the nearby sea. He felt helpless. He was lonely and no one cared. He had brought this upon himself, he knew. It was his own fault for being such an asshole for years. He had not even intended to be like that- he had not known, how to be better. Every piece of social interaction had scared him and made him all awkward! 

Snowflakes fell onto him, covering him a little. None of them melted, as he was equally as cold. He lay his face in his hands, sighing in frustration. Sometimes he thought, it would be better if he had died for good. He only was a burden to everyone, even his own  _parents_!

A soft and warm hand on his shoulder suddenly ripped him away from his thoughts, startling him. 


	2. A helping hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven comes to his friend's rescue, but the zombie is reluctant to open up and accept his offer.

"Lars? Is everything alright? Y-You look kind of sad," a soft familiar voice said behind him, gripping at his shoulder. He melted right into the touch, knowing, whom it belonged to.

"O-Oh, hey Steven... Yeah, everything's alright," he lied and nodded weakly, letting go of his own face. Steven stepped into his field of vision, not looking quite convinced. Lars had never been a good liar. 

The Diamond, yes, he knew of it, smiled sympathetically. He asked "A-Are you all alone here? Or are your parents off buying gifts?" He saw and felt the zombie tense a little of the mention of his parents. 

"N-No, I'm uh  _alone_. My parents visited my other relatives, so I'm home alone for a few days. Nice, huh?" he fakely chuckled. Wasn't it every teen's dream to be alone at Christmas? Evading all those stupid board-games and the like?

Lars' skin felt ice cold beneath his fingers, even though he wore gloves. He knew the other was full of shit. He had been ever since his return! The zombie had started isolating himself, getting moodier again and mostly depressed. No one knew, how to handle it really. He wrote the other twice a week or so to keep tabs on him, but it was no fun. Lars only answered with yes or no, making no attempt on keeping the conversation going. It was awful to see someone  _he loved_  waste away like that. Especially, when he had been so happy as captain of the Sun Incinerator. He sat down next to the other and inquired "And what do you plan on doing now?"

"Uh, I don't know... W-Watch movies or something," the  _former_ commander murmured, wanting his friend to go away. He only mad this worse! He needn't be reminded of not being able to  _have_ the other!

"I-If you want to, you could come with me! You could celebrate Christmas with me and the Crystals; Connie might come as well," Steven invited him. He could at least  _try_ , even if he knew the answer already. As expected, his crush declined politely. "Why not? You aren't doing anything anyway!" he chuckled.  

'Because I don't want to see you and Connie being all in  _love_ and happy," he thought bitterly. "I-I don't want to be a burden..." he half-lied, as it was still rather true. He would only bother the others and ruin the mood. He had no place in their lives anymore, he had accepted that.

"Nah, it's okay! My home is open to everyone,  _especially_ you! It would be so awesome! We can bake together, watch movies, play games... Lots of stuff!" the little alien emperor declared.

"S-Steven..." Lars averted his eyes, as he was about to cry yet again. "Just l-leave it be. I will only ruin everything for you guys. I'll be f-fine, I promise," he shakily  _assured_ him. 

He tried to intervene "But-"

"No, i-it's cool. Y-You don't need to pretend, like you actually  _care_. I-I'm not blind... Y-You're just being polite. I-I'll go home now," Lars was helpless to the tears streaming down his face, but he looked away from the other, so he couldn't see. Why was no one telling him straight to the face that they hated him? Why was everyone lying to him? He made an attempt on standing up, but he was pulled back by his arm and into a hug. Steven was pretty strong for being so tiny. Well, Steven had aged a little, but he was still smaller than Lars. Lars tried to resist and pull away, so Steven wouldn't see him crying like a fool. The other did see however and doubled his efforts to embrace him. 

The Diamond cooed, as Lars was sobbing in his arms, "Hey... don't say that! I do care about you and I would  _love_ to have you stay over at my house! I-I don't like seeing you this sad." The zombie didn't answer and instead clung to him more. He put his head atop of the candy-cotton hair of his crush, hearing him sob a little harder. Lars had apparently bottled up a  _lot_ of negative feelings. Hopefully the holidays would be enough to rid him of those... A few people looked at them funnily, but the hybrid ignored it. He whispered then "Please come with me. Christmas won't be perfect, if I know you are alone at home and  _depressed_." He had never dared to put those words in his mouth before, but what else should he call this?

"A-Are you sure?" Lars whimpered, despite trying his best to sound calm. He hated showing his emotions like this with a passion. It made him vulnerable... But the warmth of his friend made him feel safe.

" _Yes_ ," the pink gem nodded and softly stroked down the other teen's back. He was inherently affectionate as a person, but it only got more intense with  _his_ zombie. He allowed Lars to gain back his composure, before letting go of the cold body. "Now, do you need to get anything from home first or do you wanna go to my place right away?" he asked.

Lars nodded "I-I need to get some stuff first..." Steven told him, he would come with. "N-No, you don't have to. It'll take like 15 minutes and I don't need help carrying my stuff," he shook his head.

The Diamond wasn't having it. Lars had  _ran away_ before from him, which had ended with his death. He was taking no risks, when the other boy was this emotionally disturbed. "I want to though, so  _I will_ ," he declared like a true Diamond. The older one saw he stood no chance and nodded. Before he could stand up however, Steven wiped away a few frozen tears on the other, making him blush.

~~At the Barriga Residence~~

"Woah, it looks super nice here!" the hybrid gasped in awe. Lars only nodded though and went upstairs, while Steven followed him. He pulled out a bag from under his bed and began packing clothes in it. Steven wondered however "Why aren't you wearing the cool stuff from Homeworld anymore? I thought you liked it, too..."

He sighed at being questioned again. "I  _did_ , until my parents told me it looked ridiculous," he growled silently and stuffed more shirts into the bag aggressively. 

"Why would they say something like that?" Steven asked him, but got no reaction. He then pried more "And why didn't you visit your relatives with them?"

The zombie's movements stilled shortly. "Can't you guess? They are  _ashamed_  of me looking like this!" he hissed sharply. His parents didn't love him, like they once did. They were scared of him at times and what he had become.  _Their son_ was dead. 

Steven mildly blamed himself for this, as he had caused the other's death indirectly. He whispered "I-I'm sorry..."

"You have nothing to do with it..." he murmured, but then spat out "But perhaps you should have left me there to die. Lots of people would have  _thanked_ you." 

"Wh-What?! Lars, no! No one would be glad of you  _dying_!" he gasped in shock at what was implied here. He regarded the other, who stood over his bag and had both hands pushing against the bed. 

He laughed sarcastically "Oh, really? Because most people don't even take  _notice_ of me! Even my own parents do not care..." Why had he ever agreed to Steven coming here? It only tore open old wounds. He thought, he had been over his childish crush...

"Who cares about  _most people_? All the people who matter care about you! Y-You are overthinking, Lars," the Diamond whined. Lars always did this! He always was so scared of what other people thought of him and misinterpreted their actions! 

"Sure... do you know, how often I met my 'friends' in the past three months? Huh?  _Not a single time_!" he growled and was on the verge of exploding. Steven was too naive. 

He had enough of the other's delusions. He stomped over to the other and pointed at him "Yeah, and  _you know why_!? I asked you to go out with Connie and me  _every week_! You always said no! N-No one is excluding you, you are doing so yourself! E-Even when we chat, you never try to keep me talking to you!" The zombie was worse than Lapis!

"B-Because it's all fake! You are nice to  _everyone._ E-Even to fucking  _White Diamond,_ although she _killed_ you! You would probably invite her over for _tea_ , wouldn't you?" he snapped at the other, pushing him away. White had poofed Steven in an attempt to get the old Pink Diamond back.

That hurt. He didn't like  _everyone_. Ok, perhaps he did, but there were still  _levels_ of liking! He knew, he didn't just  _like_ Lars for certain! The Diamond became a little angry at getting pushed. He declared "And what if I do? That doesn't mean, it is fake! If I say I like you a lot, I really do- why won't you believe me? H-Have I ever lied to you?"  

"And what does  _a lot_ mean? In comparison to  _Connie_ I am a nobody! Just admit it, Steven.  _You can't safe everyone_. Just go home and leave me alone," he demanded and tried to throw the other out by shoving him towards his door. He couldn't take this. He didn't want to know for sure, he was worthless. And he also didn't want to get his hopes up.

The zombie clearly underestimated his strength- he was a  _Diamond_ , for stars' sake! He put his foot down and stood still, not allowing the other to push him any further. The other tried to his best ability, but his hybrid friend didn't budge. Since he had confronted White, he had became far more confident in himself and his abilities. He may have looked puny, but he was far from it. When he had been poofed, he could have very well taken on the form of a normal Diamond! Instead he had only become a little older and taller. He laughed a little cruelly at the other's weakness and the stated "Are you  _jealous_? Connie is my best friend and she will always be  _just that_. And I don't _favor_ her over others or  _you_." He couldn't believe this. 

Just friends? He immediately stopped his administrations in surprise, he had thought-

"Ugh, you didn't actually think, there was more to it, did you? Why does everyone think that!" he sighed in annoyance. His dad had even given him  _the talk_ , as he had thought they would advance soon. Steven wasn't even straight! 

Lars' cheeks became a darker shade of pink "U-Uhm... Well you two fused a lot a-and you spend lots of time together."

Steven snorted. At least they had changed the topic to something else. "I also fused with Amethyst and I'm not in love with her! Stars, I could fuse with any friend really! And I also spend lots of time with my other friends. We could have spend together every day, if you had wanted to!" he shook his head.

"O-Oh... But  _if_ we are friends, why have we never fused?" he pointed out, thinking he had finally gotten some evidence for Steven lying. 

" _Because_  we never got close enough for it. Sure, we hugged twice now, but that's it. Also, I can only pull off a fusion for the first time, if there are lots of  _happy_ emotions. Like,  _a ton of them_. It gets easier, though. Now, have I  _finally_ convinced you, that you are special to me?" Steven laughed genuinely and grinned at him. He'd better not elaborate on the  _special_ , however.

He blinked and processed, what was being said. "S-Special...? Uh.. Yeah, y-you convinced me," he averted his eyes in shame at his stupidity, but also blushed. He kind of  _wanted_ now. He really desired to experience fusion as well, as it seemed so fun and utterly  _intimate_. Stars no... he had gotten his hopes up again and butterflies trashed around in his stomach. He didn't know, whether this was better than being depressed. It would only end up with him hurting, anyway. He could want Steven for himself as much as he wanted, but he stood no chance. Even if the Diamond was available...

Steven wondered, why he was blushing like that. He was young, but not naive, though. He had often reacted in a similar fashion... He wasn't entirely certain however and would need to inspect this further. If he was wrong, it would be terrible. He coughed a little awkwardly "Perhaps you should pack your bag now? It's already 9 pm; Pearl will start worrying about me." Garnet had her future vision and Amethyst was always too chill to worry, so only Pearl did. 

"Oh, sure!" he snapped out of his mad, butterfly-induced daze. 

"Can you pack your cool coat and stuff?" Steven looked at him, with diamonds in his eyes. It had become a usual thing to happen, since he had found out about being a Diamond. He rarely voiced it, but he was kind of proud of being one... Anyway, he'd love to see Lars in his commander's clothes again!

He couldn't say no to that look, not when he had behaved so dumb before and those pink pupils suited him so well. He got the desired clothes and Steven did a happy squeal. He wanted to close his bag then, but Steven quickly got a teddy-bear from under his blankets "Hey! How did you know, that was there?" he whined at having the uncool bear stuffed into the rucksack. 

"I kinda woke up with it in my arms, when I possessed you," the hybrid giggled, but the zombie paled. He hadn't thought about Steven having been in his head, while he had still been in bed. Lars slept commando.  _He had seen him naked_. Dirty thoughts rushed into his head- had Steven taken his time looking at it? Ran his hands over his body- No! He shouldn't think about it, lest he got excited. He closed the bag and they proceeded to go to Steven's place. Steven stopped however, when Lars went outside in his t-shirt again. "W-Won't you wear a jacket? I-I know you can't freeze, but still..." he inquired. 

"I don't even  _have_ a jacket. Mom threw the warm stuff out and gave them to  _charity,_ since I don't need it," he shrugged. Steven made a mental note of doing something about it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little Fun Fact: My parents left me alone last Christmas, too. So I know, how Lars feels pretty well. It's quite shitty, honestly.


	3. An old, new feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lars is happy for the first time in months and other feelings also resurface. Steven and him get a little closer...

~~20th December, Late Evening~~

He entered Steven's  _new_ home and immediately felt welcomed and at ease. It had been rebuild, since the Diamonds had destroyed it. It was almost the same, only that Steven's room was now, well,  _a room_ and not open. There were also two guest rooms. One had been occupied by Bismuth, the other one was shared between Lapis and Peridot. A giant tree stood in front of the warp-pad with self-made decorations. There were little, colorful lamps everywhere and also twigs of pines. Sweets were scattered around the house in bowels for everyone to take and a few presents lay beneath the tree already. "We kind of have a little space-issue here, but you can put your stuff in my room. Uh, do you  _want_ to sleep by the way?" Steven turned around, while disposing of his jacket.

"I can't really. I-I tried, but I get uh...  _nightmares_ ," he admitted sheepishly. They mainly showed him his own death over  _and over_ again or even Steven killing him. 

"Oh. Well, if you want to though, you can crash on my bed! It's a very big one!" he smiled. He really  _prayed_ Lars would. It would be pure heaven to 'accidentally' cuddle up to him, while 'asleep'. He had a plan. While Lars was here, he would find out, whether his feelings would be returned! He still had to get the  _mistletoe_ somehow... He walked to his room by ascending a small staircase and led the zombie there. 

He complimented him "Your bed really  _is_ big; I like your room." Why did Steven need a bed for  _two_ people? He hoped it was a)  _for him_ or b) to plan ahead and not c) for someone else besides him. But really, who else could be trying to woo the Diamond? Stars, what was he talking about?  _Everyone would_. The hybrid was the most lovable goofball there was and an ultra strong,  _rich_ emperor from outer space! Perhaps one of those stupid gems here even tried to-

"Thanks! Bismuth chose it," he chirped.

"Who is  _Bismuth_?" the zombie inquired a little too fast for his own comfort. This must have been his newest  _enemy_! Why else would this gem buy a bed for two people?

 _Jealous_. That was a good sign, since it confirmed his theory. He teased a little "Oh, you know... A gem."

His eyes narrowed a little "I know  _that_. But who is she?" It wasn't a good sign the Diamond was talking this evasively.

"She's our blacksmith.  _I like her a lot_ ," he giggled at seeing Lars' head taking on a deeper pink.  But this could also mean, he was jealous of him having other good  _friends_. It didn't have to go further than that. 

"Yeah? What's so special about her?" the zombie lowly growled and subconsciously formed a fist with his hands.

He  _dreamily_ listed "She's super  _strong_ and  _muscular_. And she has lots of pretty colors. She's very funny, too." He really did like her, but he was also a little wary of her presence.

Strong, muscular? Lars was none of that! He hissed and blushed again. 

He was released from his envy though "I was only joking~ She's only a normal member of us, nothing more." Steven saw his zombie visibly relaxing and snorting at having his leg pulled. He didn't comment however, scared of revealing his true feelings. "Now uh... I'm sorry to say this, but I really have to sleep now. W-What do you want to do?"  the hybrid inquired and hoped for the best answer. 

"Oh, okay... I-I could try to do so as well, but I might wake you up," he warned his friend. He was asked however, what he meant by waking him up. "I told you about the nightmares. I sometimes trash around o-or scream suddenly,"  _or cried_ , he mentally added. 

Steven shrugged "It'll be fine. If it gets too much, I'll bubble you. But you can't hurt me anyway~." He liked to show off his strength, it made him feel...  _strong_. Steven then proceeded to go to the bathroom in his room and brush his teeth, but also change into PJs. Lars meanwhile had a little internal conflict. He possessed no PJs, as he slept in the nude. Would it be weird to only lay there in his undies? He guessed it wouldn't, but only if Steven did so too. He wondered, how that would look... Steven now looked like a 15 to 16 year-old, since he had reformed. He had lost some weight, but his  _behind_ was still rather- No, just no! He shouldn't have thought about this! Steven had no feelings for him whatsoever and this was creepy!  He heard the Diamond had finished brushing his teeth and panicked- what was he supposed to do? He decided to wear a t-shirt, which was a little over-sized, and a comfy pair of sweatpants. He finished dressing, just as Steven came back.

He was...  _a little disappointed_. Of course the commander wouldn't sleep nude with him around, but those were far too  _many_ clothes. It was a shame, since Lars had  _nothing to hide_. His lithe body was pretty  _cute_. He plunged down onto the bed then and motioned for the zombie to lay down between him and the wall.  _Perfect to prevent escape, when he cuddled up to him_. The other climbed onto the bed a little uncertainly, but lay down nevertheless. Steven's blanket wasn't really big enough though, so he didn't try to cover himself. Steven disagreed profusely "You can't sleep without a blanket- it's  _cold_!" 

"Steven, I can't freeze or get ill... A-And I'll only steal it from you," he snorted. His crush shouldn't care so much for him, every resource was **wasted** on him. The Diamond rolled his eyes however and shifted closer, before tucking Lars in as well. 

"But it surely will be more comfy for you, if it's warm!" he pouted and turned the light of. From  _their_ bed, they could look through the window and watch it snow. He happily sighed, stretched and then lay on his side, facing Lars. The latter got a little uncomfy at that. He  _loved_ having the gem close of course, but he only get  _ideas_ from this. And his ideas had repeatedly proven to be stupid. He lay there and worried about personal space for a while. In the meantime, Steven had began snoring. 

The emperor was far from asleep however. He 'subconsciously' rolled closer to his crush- but the other shifted away, closer into the wall. That just _wouldn't_ do. He waited a few more minutes and then inched closer again. The other being in his bed then crawled away, but hit the wall. 

Lars didn't like this. Well, he  _did_ \- but he couldn't let this happen. He would only fall deeper, than he already had, which meant more pain. 

He tried to get closer... A firm hand on his chest pushed him away backwards and he involuntarily rolled onto his back.  _Mission failed_. He had a new plan now. He'd just wait until the other slept and was vulnerable! While waiting however, Steven sooner or later drifted of.

~~ 

"...No- No Stev.. D-Don't..." he awoke to murmuring and mild movement next to him. It was Lars, who apparently had one of his nightmares. He curiously shifted closer to perhaps hear, what it was about. "...-t hurts... N-No..." was whispered incoherently. This couldn't be good. Whatever he dreamed, it was about himself and pain. After a minute or so, the trashing increased "...-on't kill... H-Help, Steve-...  _please_." He couldn't let this go on, this clearly stressed his crush. No wonder he was so exhausted and depressed! He inched closer and laid an arm over the teen's stomach, as he was lying on his back. It didn't seem to do much, so he pressed his body against the other and pulled at his waist a little, so he would turn on his side and hugging would be easier. Once he had him like that, the Diamond rested his head on top of the other's again and soothed him by caressing his back. The movements stilled more or less, but the pleas went on "-o, no, no... n't h-hurt." 

"Shh... I'm here," he cooed softly, hoping it might help. It at least always had helped him, when Pearl had done it. 

More panicked mumbling ensued "S-Steven... hur- stop...!" 

He didn't like, that he himself was apparently inflicting pain in his crush. Perhaps this meant, he had no interest? He slightly hummed a song, which slightly improved Lars' sleep, but not enough. 

"no... -ove you... w-why?" the zombie whimpered and he felt a wet patch on his shirt. Lars was  _crying_. Had he said  _I love you_? Perhaps, but it could have been for anyone. He kept on caressing and whispering sweet nothings, but soon had a better idea. Perhaps nightmares were an illness he could heal? 

He titled Lars head carefully and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. A bit of pink, sparkly light showed itself- well, he had healed  _something_. The begging then died down to a whimper here and there. He hugged his crush tighter again, whispering "I'm so proud of you... You're so strong. Don't worry, I'm there to protect you now." He sighed in relaxation at having the one he loved so close and hummed.

...Protect him? The zombie awoke slightly at being hugged so tight, but wasn't even that coherent. The only thing he knew was, that he loved the feeling of being held by this warm pillow. He cooed in content and returned the embrace dazedly, shifting ever so closer. His pillow seemed to tense shortly, but it ebbed down quickly.

~~21st December, Morning~~

Lars awoke first and tried to stretch only to find, that he couldn't. He opened his eyes and faced the wall, mere millimeters between him and it. He had apparently turned around in his sleep. Behind him was something-  _someone else_ , happily spooning him. Something hard pressed against his butt- "Oh stars-" he choked silently, before muffling himself with his free hand. He looked down upon his form, the blanket had been pushed down a little, while his shirt had slipped up a little. An arm securely held his lithe waist and the hand of it snugly pressed into his belly, preventing escape. The rest of Steven's body was also pressed against him, leaving no room for interpretation, what the hard  _thing_ was. His breath hitched a little, despite not even needing to breathe. He tried to shift away or at least differently, but was harshly pulled back against the other. It really was astonishing, how strong a Diamond could be. 

So he was held captive, a head resting on his and puffs of air being breathed into his hair, while an erection pressed into him or rather his behind.  _Awesome_. He panicked the slightest bit; this would be so weird, if Steven awoke right now. 'M-Morning wood is normal, you had it too..." he tried to calm himself down. However 'Spooning and having an erection is perhaps not... Especially with a supposed  _friend_.' But perhaps he wasn't a friend to Steven, but more? Memories from last night resurfaced, when he had awoken to a hug and the soothing sound of the other. ’The hugging is not an accident then...' he concluded and blushed. 

The Diamond did a little grunt suddenly and pushed into him ever so slightly. 'Oh gosh... Is he having a wet dream or something?' he panicked even more. This was not good. Steven was probably dreaming about that Bismuth-person! The dick behind him did a little  _jump_ and he squeaked into his hand. This was so  _awkward_. But it kind of excited him as well. The arm around him tightened and the Diamond pushed against his butt again. He couldn't hold back himself and became a little more excited. He also  _might_ have pushed back into it a little, earning him a weak moan. He was  _humped_ into again 'Fuck...' He himself sprouted half of an erection by now. He'd love to touch it, but one of his arm was trapped by Steven, while he needed the other to muffle his own mewls. 

"...-ars... Nngh~" the Diamond moaned a little clearer and he furiously blushed. He had to have said  _Lars_! What other name ended on that? But perhaps he had only said  _arse_? He didn't know, what to make of it. He _wished_ for it to be the former. The grunting suddenly became more frequent, as did the slight thrusting. Being a little perverted at heart, he eagerly met the thrusts, helping the other along. Then it all stopped completely with a drawn-out whimper. 'Did he just...? Oh  _fuck_ ,' he helplessly whined himself. He was so very  _hard_ right now, but touching was too dangerous. He even got so desperate, he tried to rub against the wall to no avail. 

"Good morning..." the Diamond drawled out of nowhere then, yawning and stretching. Lars prayed he hadn't seen him humping the wall, nor the bulge in his pants. 

He sheepishly whispered "M-Morning." Steven was still holding his waist, which was a thousand times more intimate, now that he was awake. A hand lazily rubbed his belly, which only made him want to thrust into it. 

"Slept well?" the hybrid cooed, nuzzling at his hair. It smelled so good... He still sounded half asleep, which explained his unrestrained behavior. 

Did he? He couldn't really think straight with his hard cock demanding attention "Mmh~ Y-Yeah, sure." He needed to do something,  _fast_. "S-Steven?" he whimpered, as the hand on his stomach wandered further _upwards_ , now on his chest.

"Hm?" the other made. 

"C-Can you let me go? I... I want to shower!" he made up an excuse, which seemed to snap Steven out of his daze a little.

He was apparently  _not_ dreaming, like had thought at first.  _Awkward_. "S-Sure," he agreed and rolled away. Lars then proceeded to more or less frantically  _flee_ from him, taking his clothes and running into the bathroom. He would as well, if he had been felt up like that. He groaned and rubbed his face- had he actually just done that? It had been his plan to provoke the other, but not this overtly! Well, he couldn't undo it now. He shifted around, intending to sit up- 'Why are my-  _why is it wet_?!' he suddenly cringed. He inspected the wetness in shame and paled. He knew, he had had a rather nice dream at some point, involving his pinkish friend... 'Shit,' he could have died of embarrassment right there. He had spooned Lars for quite some time and the other had apparently been awake longer than him... 'Please, someone- kill me!' he felt like crying. He had certainly been pressing his erection into the other the whole time- that's why he ran away! He had molested poor Lars! 'Calm down now... Perhaps he didn't notice and he just wanted to shower real bad! Don't panic! Knowing him, he won't comment on it... I have to assume the plan either way. Calm, deep breaths...’ he tried to relax.

~~

He stood beneath the warm water, whining in pure need. This wasn't the first time, he was jerking off to Steven. It regularly happened in the past, but he had been repressing his feelings for  _months_ now. It all had started, when Steven had revived him.... Now those feelings were coming back tenfold, it seemed.

He steadily rubbed up and down his dick, remembering how Steven had thrust into him. He could only imagine, how good it would feel with his dick  _actually_ inside of him. It surely was  _big_ and meaty, so it might even hurt a little.  He wondered, if the other would be rough- he certainly possessed the strength for it, he knew now. He wanted that cock inside of him so  _bad_ \- "Nngh~" he softly moaned. He'd even  _beg_ for it. And Steven would love it, since he was a Diamond. He'd have him suck his dick, not allowing him to touch himself. He would force Lars down onto the bed, holding him down and  _taking_ him.  _Pink Diamond_ would deflower him, ruin him for everybody else. "P-Please~" he whined again at the thought of being roughly entered, with no chance of resisting. He'd be used like a  _toy_ , abused for pleasure... He arched his back, ready to let go. And even if he would come, the hybrid would just go  _on and on_ , abusing his tight hole. He quickly came, sullying the shower a little. 

He was out of breath for a while and rode out his orgasm, before making sure to clean the mess up. He quickly dried himself off- he had taken way too much time in here already! Although he really came pretty quickly to his shame, when thinking about his crush. Next he dressed and blow-dried his hair, before exiting the bathroom. Steven was nowhere to be found, so he went downstairs. The other stood in the kitchen,  _trying_ to make pancakes. He stepped closer to his crush, looking over his shoulder. He had apparently used the other bathroom, as he smelled like he had showered as well. He watched on, as Steven prepared the dough for the pancakes. "You're doing it wrong, you know that, right?" he chuckled and Steven jumped. Since Lars was pretty good at sneaking by now, thanks to his crew, and didn't breathe, he was rarely noticed. 

"Agh! Where did you come from?! A-And I'm not doing it wrong!" he defended himself after squeaking. 

A silly idea, one of the bad ones, formed itself and he grinned evilly. He stepped directly behind the Diamond's smaller frame and then pushed his arms beneath the others'. The teen let go of the poor dough then, which looked far too dry. Lars snorted and poked it "How do you want to make anything with that, hm? Don't you see, it's too dry?"

"U-Uh..." he stammered, being a little overwhelmed. He had not expected the other to get  _this_ close. Only a few inches separated them from each other and he was trapped between the other's arms. "I-I... yes. B-But I followed the instructions!" he tried to explain. Steven was a good chef, too!

"Yeah,  _no_. You put like far too much flour and too little milk in there," Lars shook his head and took the milk, emptying it.

" _T-That's_ far too much!" Steven declared.

Lars however pushed a finger in front of his mouth, shushing him "Shhh...  _Watch the master and learn_." He giggled and then proceeded to mix the paste, until it was fairly decent. Once in a while the zombie went forward a little too much, his crotch colliding with Steven's butt.

Steven was too perplexed to  _watch and learn_. Something happened to Lars and he liked it. He was far happier then the mess he had found at the pier! And far more  _affectionate_ as well. Perhaps he had really witnessed his little accident, but didn't mind? He was so unsure! But if Lars continued to be like that today, he'd advance soon. He was sadly let go then, as Lars went on making pancakes, happily humming while doing so. The tune seemed similar- it was the same thing, he had hummed to the other! He really had been awake there!  He felt so excited- this might be the best Christmas in his entire life!

Soon all the dough had been transformed into pancakes and they ate them, sitting at the counter. Steven broke the silence, that had come forth "So... What do we want to do today? Any ideas?"

He swallowed a piece of pancake, before stating "I-I don't know... Well, since I am here, I should go to town and  _get you a present_ , hm? But other than that?" It was only polite to do so and he predicted, Steven would give him something either way. He just didn't know, what to get the other. The teen was  _filthy rich_ and could buy anything!

He gasped "A-A  _present_?! W-What will it be?! A-And what do  _you_ want?" He was lucky, Lars had brought it up. He might have only noticed on Christmas Eve...

"If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise. Oh, I don't know... Being here with _you_ is a gift as is~" he chuckled at his own, obvious flattery. He had decided to lead Steven on a bit, give him some hints. There must have been some feelings for him in the other's heart! He knew it! The hugging, the comforting, the  _wet dream_... there was no doubt! Well, a small doubt was there... which was why he didn't address it directly. 

The Diamond became a little red- had Lars just flirted with him? It couldn't be... or could it? Together with all the touching, it would make sense. "N-No, if you get me a present, I will get you one as well! So, What do you want?" he whined. He felt like buying him a movie or a piercing just wasn't cutting it.

The zombie mulled about it for a while, since he didn't know himself. He had to  _abuse_ this. Steven was a alien-emperor and had a rich daddy... but no, he didn't want anything material like that. He wanted  _Steven_ as a whole. How would he put that into words, though? He absently ate more of the pancake and had an awesome idea! His thoughts jumped from blending together ingredients to make a pastry, to making new persons out of other ones.  He forcefully swallowed the pancake and then declared "I know something!"

"Yeah?" Steven beamed at him. He hoped it wasn't something boring. 

"I want to fuse with you!" Lars chirped, making Steven choke on a piece of his breakfast and violently coughing it up. 

He drawled out, while catching his breath "Y-You want to what?!"

The commander looked kind of saddened and insecure at his erratic response, but still stammered "...F-Fuse? I just thought... No, forget about. I-I... I shouldn't have said it-" Had he misinterpreted the other's actions so greatly? But they had hugged and cuddled... But Steven did that to anyone, he guessed. He was nothing special. He had made a fool of himself! This is what he got for allowing his feeling to resurface- he was such a moron-

"No, no! I just... I didn't expect it at all. M-Most humans are scared of fusion and, well, nobody else wants to fuse with _me_ either..." he sadly told him.

Oh. "What do you mean? I thought you fused with Amethyst and Connie on the regular," he cocked his head. Luckily he had  _not_ misinterpreted this,  _he hoped_.

Steven looked visibly insecure, not used to someone inquiring about  _his_ problems. He looked down at the remaining breakfast, appetite gone suddenly. He elaborated, sounding kind of heartbroken "I did, but that was months ago. B-Before everyone found out, who I am."

"Why would that change anything really? Y-You're still the same person," Lars pried a little. 

"T-They... The gems are scared of the fusion being to overpowered and don't like the idea of fusing with a  _traitor_. A-And Connie...," he sobbed a little out of nowhere. "L-Let's just say, we aren't that  _close_ anymore. She was so  _dedicated_ to me a-and the idea of Rose Quartz a-and when she found out... she just s-snapped. She thought I had lied to her even. I-I explained to her I didn't and she accepted it, but it kind of broke something. A-And also, when we fused again one more time, Stevonnie went on a-a weird power-trip... Sh-She got so scary and was absolutely obsessed with my powers! I-I don't want to have her appear anymore. C-Connie didn't agree much... She loves being Stevonnie so much," he teared up a little. 

Lars was a little shocked and felt shitty for assuming anything. He quickly went over to his crush and hugged him awkwardly. He didn't like the other being like this- he needed him to be strong! "W-We don't have to fuse, if you don't want to-" he added.

The Diamond shook his head "N-No, I'd love to!" He still kept on crying however "I-It's just... please don't abuse me like Connie did. S-Sometimes I think, she only is friends with me for the adventures and only likes me for fusing... A-And don't get a thrill out of my powers either,  _you_ know they aren't all  _fun_ and  _games_." He bitterly laughed and wiped his resurrecting tears away, before grasping for his friend and embracing him. He hated talking about his problems. They weren't worth talking about. He should just suck it up...

It was weird hugging, as he was standing and Steven sitting, but he didn't mind. He sighed and inhaled the hybrid's sweet smell, before vowing "I promise no to. I'd like you  _a lot_ , even if you declined fusing with me. And I won't abuse your fancy powers...  _However_ , I want to fly around at least once!" He softly chuckled and Steven did too luckily. "And~ I will keep Connie from pressuring you into it. I'll show her her place, if she dares to do so..." he growled a tiny bit. 

"D-Don't hurt her," the Diamond warned though. He didn't want his friends fighting for him.

"Not physically, no..." he promised and let go of his  _crush_ \- he was getting sick of the word. He wanted to advance already, but there was still doubt in him. He sat down again, eating his pancake, before asking "And, what do you want for Christmas? I sadly don't have magic abilities like you..." He didn't even have the money to buy anything cool. 

Steven lit up at this, despite sniffling a little "I-I only want one thing really..."

"And that is?" he asked, although he had food in his mouth.

"I want you to be happy again, whatever it takes," Steven whispered and Lars' eyes grew wide. 

He swallowed and snorted "What is that supposed to mean, I  _am_ happy!"

Steven looked at him with an expression, that said 'quit the bullshit already'. "Lars... You are happy  _now_ , yes. But I want you to be like that all the time! You have been  _weird_ the last three months. You isolated yourself. You don't go to school or work-  _you gave up_! A-And yesterday, you even smelled like you drank alcohol! Also, your parents shame you all day... I don't want you to live like that," he carefully pointed out. He had not commented on the smell yesterday, as the zombie had already been disturbed enough.

"I..." he began, but didn't know, what to say. Steven apparently knew him better than most other people. He averted his eyes "And how am I supposed to achieve that? The only things, that make me happy are adventures, space a-and...  _you_." He admitted to it and wished to disappear. 

Steven's heart almost forgot how to beat. "I-I make you  _happy_?" he stared at the other in disbelief, who could not meet his eyes and nodded. "I... Well... Y-You could join the Crystal Gems and hunt corrupted gems with us! And you could fly my ship for me. I sometimes have to drop by Homeworld, after all," Steven gladly proposed. He'd absolute  _love_ to have Lars in his team. Then he wouldn't need to rely on Connie as a sword-fighter anymore. 

Lars smiled apologetically "I can hardly fight, Steven. And how often do you even hunt? Once a month? No, don't even try to say it- I'm not going back to school either. I'd rather stick my hand in a blender than that!"

"We can train you, though. And yeah, there are less of them... Well, then  _we_ just have to spend more time together! If I make you happy, it's the only logical thing to do!" the hybrid concluded.

"But... won't you get  _sick_ of me? We are  _both_ immortal! Y-You'll be stuck with me for a pretty long time. Also... my parents are against me seeing you that often. They are scared of me getting hurt or getting...  _weird_ ," he noted. His dad especially had that fear. Dante wasn't quite  _supportive_ , when it came to not being straight. And his parents knew, he fancied Steven.

The Diamond insisted on it though "No, I like spending time with you. And I don't think, you ever cared much about what your parents said?" Lars had always been rather rebellious, so why did he care now?

"T-They... They threatened to move away, Steven. They told me to not stay in contact with all the gems or they'd do it. A-And I can't afford a flat here, you know that," he admitted. If he lost his friends for good, he would loose it. Like this he at least had the  _possibility_ to see them. He knew his parents only wanted him to stay safe, but he hated it nevertheless.

"You could always just move in here, if you don't mind sharing a room with me for now, that is," Steven proposed, hope bubbling up inside him. He was asked, if he was serious. "Of course, I am!  _Mi casa es su casa_ , you know? I'd love to have a room-mate!" he agreed again. That way he could have Lars all for himself! It was perfect!

"I don't even know, what to say... Steven, me moving in isn't really a gift  _for you_!" the commander pointed out. His life had just taken another, happy turn. 

"But it is. You also make  _me_ happy, Lars..." he grinned and it was set with that. Lars would move in! He just had to tell Pearl and the others this somehow...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the one, kind stranger, that left a lonely kudo. It means a lot... I don't understand, why no one seems to like the story; I thought it was good. Oh well... can't do anything about it, I suppose.


	4. Mild Problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven's family isn't all too happy about the new addition being there, but Steven stands up for him.

~~21st December, Noon~~

Steven and Lars had taken some time to chill and simply watch TV for a while, which featured mostly Christmas-themed stuff. They had crashed in the living room for that. They had sat next to each other pretty normally at first, but Steven somehow seemed to inch closer with every passing second, invading Lars' personal space. Now the Diamond leaned against his pinkish friend and the other barely contained his grin. The older one even lay an arm around his crush's waist, but neither of them commented. It felt awesome to just be close and relax for a while, but it soon  _stopped_. 

The Crystal Gems left their rooms one after the other, most staring at them in confusion. Garnet  _knew_ more than everyone else of course and had a knowing smile resting on her face. This was  _so cute_. She decided to stick around a little, as Pearl would begin to freak out  _any second_ now. As foretold, the multi-colored gem approached the two  _friends_ and frowned "What is  _he_ doing here?". Steven had cried to her for  _hours_ , how the other one isolated himself more and more, expecting advice. Something must have happened between yesterday and today and she hated she had not been informed.

The zombie felt a little attacked at her tone, but Steven answered for him "His parents left him alone for Christmas, so I invited him!" She nodded in understanding, but the Diamond added "T-There is more though... I want Lars to move in here and become part of the team as well!"

Her jaw dropped slightly. Why did Steven always make others join them? She had accepted Lapis, Peridot, Connie, the Off-Colors... but this? That human couldn't even fight! "Steven, you can't just make  _anyone_ join. Can he even defend himself? A-Also, we don't have any more space! All the rooms are full," she shook her head, arms crossed. The human had a home in Beach City, so why did he have to  _invade_ their's?

"But Pearl! You can teach him to fight a-and he doesn't even  _need_ food or sleep. He could stay in my room, too! H-He's  _almost_ like a gem!" the hybrid defended his proposal, Lars praying he would manage to convince the other. He was lucky to be 18 already anyway, or this would have been redundant.

"But why? We don't need any more fighters! The ones we have suffice and he has a home!" she stood her ground. More members only meant more work!

Lars whispered to Steven "I-It's alright. If your family doesn't want-"

"No! If  _I_ want you to join us, you  _will_!  _I_ am the leader of the Crystal Gems, not you, Pearl! He can't go home- i-it makes him sick! And his parents might move away, too," Steven let out his Diamond, asserting his  _dominance_. Without him, this group was nothing!

Pearl cringed a little at her friend getting loud. He rarely did, but he could be  _so much like his mother_ sometimes. Before she could come up with more arguments, Garnet intervened "Pearl, just leave it be. You'll like the undead human, I promise. What is one more member?" The low-ranked gem sighed and nodded, not caring anymore.

"Alright, but he  _will_ train regularly or not at all! I won't waste my time on someone, who slacks off," she hissed and vanished into her room again. She had enough already and wanted to let of steam. 

Steven smiled "Thanks, Garnet." She told him, it was no big deal and warped off to somewhere. Amethyst meanwhile munched on the leftovers of their breakfast. The Diamond felt so happy- nothing could go wrong anymore! He was almost a 95% certain, Lars liked him back. And those last 5% would be unveiled to him, once they fused! But he somehow didn't want to wait another three days for present-time... But he had to. It would be much fancier, if they did it there and he wanted the fusion to be special! He craved it so much, though... Even now he felt the slight, enticing pull of it on him. But he could at least advance in other ways. He already had a plan- he just needed the ingredients for it. Sadly it was Sunday and no shop was open. He'd do it tomorrow, then. The Diamond however still crawled a little closer to Lars now, but cringed a little at his cold skin. "Uh... Are you sure, you don't want to wear something warm?" he smiled uncertainly. He couldn't cuddle with the other like that.

"You know I don't have anything with long sleeves. I-I'd have to buy something and I'm a little short on money..." he admitted. Well, he had his commander's outfit, but he didn't like the thought of actually wearing it. He had saved all his money from working to buy a new gaming console prior to his death. A bad investment, he knew now. Since he hadn't picked up work again, he was somewhat broke- he had like 100$ in his bank-account. And a nice pullover would cost 30$! A jacket even more... No, he'd rather not spend his money on luxuries.

Steven then jumped up and vanished shortly to Lars' dismay. He had enjoyed being pressed up to the source of warmth! Soon the gem returned however and threw a soft, kitschy Christmas-pullover at him. It was in pink and white with a cat on it. "There! Wear that!" the gem exclaimed happily. Lars looked a little pained at him, put changed into it nevertheless. Steven also wore a pullover like that, only in red with a reindeer on it, so it wasn't that bad. It was a little small perhaps, but not by too much. Steven had grown a lot and was a little bigger than Lars, so it was like one size too small. "And? Do you like it? I think it suits you  _pretty well_ ~" he cooed and sat down again. This time he didn't bother with not invading personal space. He immediately sat flush against the other, this time he had his arm around his friends waist. It was way better now. 

Lars blushed at being pulled towards his crush a little and agreed "Y-Yeah, it's really warm and comfy..."  _and_ it smelled completely like the Diamond. They kept on watching TV for a while, but he was too captivated by being hugged to pay attention. It was so  _obvious_ , they had a thing for each other. But he was scared to say it openly. He had never done something like this before! Sadie had kissed him once, but he had not liked it and they never had became an item. He had never even  _tried_ to ask anyone out, thinking he would fail anyway.


	5. Finally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven carries out his plan and Lars deals with his parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the 4 kudos and comment- they give me hope for the quality of this.

~~22nd December, Late Morning~~

Yesterday had been pretty lazy with not much to do and it had went over pretty quickly. The night had been pretty similar to the last one. Lars had voluntarily let himself be held from the beginning however, admitting it helped him greatly. 

Now, Steven had to go out and prepare something. "I'll be right back- it'll only take half an hour so!" he exclaimed and grabbed his pink jacket, before storming out. He didn't even give the other a chance to ask, what he was going to do! Lars even thought about following him, but decided against it. It would have seemed so... _clingy_. So instead he pouted and went up to Steven's room, laying down on the soft bed. He never wanted to leave this bed again. It felt just  _right_ to be cuddled up to his crush and being protected by him from any nightmares. He feared however, what was to come. They would need to speak of this sooner or later! There was no denying, what they felt. It was so scary, though... He had however promised to himself, that he would do so  _today_. He just didn't know, how! What was he supposed to say?

'Hey, let's talk... Uh, we've been friends for some time now, but... I want to be more?' sounded rather good. But he doubted, he'd manage to get it out like that. He snorted; he would probably end up stuttering incoherently and the run away! He nervously toyed with one of Steven's plushies, while laying on his stomach. He despised feeling this insecure! He wished he could be captain Lars again! But he just couldn't... It had been a pretty facade to cope with having died-

His pocket began vibrating, as someone called him. He sighed and fished around for it- it was probably the Diamond. Perhaps he had forgotten something? When he looked at the display however, he startled. His mom was calling him, so they could video-chat. 'Oh no... They'll see I'm not home! But I can't hide it forever-  _shit_ ,' he freaked out, but answered the call. His mom and dad were squeezed together, so they could both see. They looked kind of happy and sat on a couch; kids could be heard laughing in the background.

"Hey, sweetie! We just wanted to check in on how you're doing!" Martha cooed and his father waved at him. Before he could answer however, it already went downhill from there. His mom frowned "Uh... Where are you a-and what are you wearing?"

He groaned, as he anticipated being scolded "I'm at Steven's. He invited me over for Christmas a-and he gave me this pullover." He wasn't really allowed to be here...

"Laramie!" his father got angry instantly. "We told you not to go there! It's dangerous- a-are you doing this, because you weren't allowed to come with us? Go home this instant!" he commanded and Lars seriously considered hanging up on them now. Under normal circumstances he might have agreed, but not now. His parents had nothing to pressure him with! He was 18 and free!  _They could fuck right off_!

He stated calmly "I will stay here. I'm an adult, dad. W-What did you expect me to do? Stay at home and cry all day?!" He loved his parents, but hated them at the same time. They had no idea, what they were talking about.

"Sweetie,  _please_. You didn't go out for three months, so staying at home  _now_ shouldn't be a problem," Martha pointed out. As if their son would wail from being alone! "If you don't go back home, we'll have to move to protect you..." she warned, which should get him to do, what they wanted.

" _I don't care!_ **Move** , if you want to! I will stay here without you-" he began spatting at them.

His dad however laughed "Yeah? And where will you stay?" His son was only stubborn and liked to oppose them.

"I'll move in with Steven! He already agreed to it. I've had enough of you controlling me and trying to make into something, I'm not! I didn't die, so I could go back to my old life..." he smirked at seeing their shocked expressions. This would hopefully teach them not to treat him so badly.

Dante provoked him however "Sure he did. But for how long, hm? Once he knows, how you really  _think_ about him, he'll throw you out for being creepy!" The zombie hated this. His parents could go from extremely loving to utterly insulting in mere seconds. And how dare they assume that?

He snorted "Ugh, he will not. Do you even know him at all? Also, we actually were already...  _quite close_ ~" It was a lie more or less, but he enjoyed angering his homophobic dad. If someone asked Dante, he'd probably choose Sadie as a partner for him. His dad's mouth opened and closed, but nothing really came. He heard noise from downstairs, indicating Steven had come home. He cooed "Now, if you'll excuse me- I have better things to do...  _Steven_ , mainly." With that, he ended the call and shut off his phone, storing it in Steven's nightstand and walking downstairs.

When he exited the door however, he collided with something soft. "Oh, S-Steven! Sorry," Lars quickly apologized, as Steven had almost stumbled. "Why are you-" he began asking, as the Diamond's legs were unnaturally tall. He looked up and then didn't know, how to react. He stated matter-o-factly "A mistletoe...?" Steven had apparently shapeshifted, so he could hang the plant over his door. But why...?

"LARS! O-Oh, uuhh... I..." he began stammering and his face turned red. 'Oh stars, why?! Why now?!' he panicked and shapeshifted to his normal form, the mistletoe hanging above them. "So, uh..." he didn't know, what to say. This was so awkward! 

Lars blinked a few times, only now realizing, what was happening. "Y-You uuh could have just asked, y-you know?" he blushed himself. Why did Steven make this so hard? If he wanted to kiss... he could have just done so. Seems like they both had the same plan to take this further today.

"A-Asked? For...?" he repeated. Did Lars _get_ , what he wanted to do or did he misinterpret the situation?

He snapped mildly "Oh  _come on_ , don't pretend, l-like you don't know! W-Why else would you put it a-above your own door!?" He averted his eyes sheepishly. He didn't cope well with situations like this. Or  _any_ situation involving Steven.

"O-Oh... So you, uuuh, are  _open_ to  _it_?" he silently squeaked, not daring to actually address it out loud. He looked as if he expected Lars to hit him. 

"D-Do I need to _spell_ it out for you?! I didn't run away yet, so..." the zombie whined and made some weird gestures. Even though both wanted to, neither of them moved. ' _Fuck it_ ,' Lars thought then at some point and dared to step closer to the slightly smaller teen. This seemed to snap the hybrid out of his stupor as well, making him pull Lars closer by his waist. The older one enjoyed the sudden boldness and let it happen, laying his own arms around the other's neck and going for it. Their lips met and the two visibly relaxed, Lars pressed flush against his friend. It wasn't a really long or intense kiss, but it still felt nice. They all too soon parted again, their foreheads resting against each other, smiling. "You're a moron, you know that, right?" Lars giggled softly, their noses brushing. 

"Yeah, but y-you're as well!" Steven declared, trying very hard not to fuse right now. That would have to wait for another two days. 

"Steven?" a girl called from downstairs all of a sudden.  _Connie_. 

Lars groaned in annoyance, not wanting to let go. She called again however and the Diamond made a move to escape him. He growled in disapproval and pulled at his  _boyfriend_ , kissing him again with more vigor. 

"Steven... I know you are here!" Connie shouted again and laughed. 

Steven happily returned the kiss, pressing into it eagerly. He cringed however, when he heard footsteps coming up the stairs. " _Lars_!" he hissed at the other between kisses, who'd rather have kept him for himself. He couldn't resist those cold, pink lips however and neither the soft mewls, the taller teen produced-

"Ste-  _Oh_..." the girl made upon seeing them intertwined in each other. This was  _unexpected_ to say the least. She was happy they  _finally_ had made up- their behavior towards each other had been frustrating to look at. But there was also a tiny pang of fear and jealousy. Steven and her had fallen on hard times, what if she would be replaced?

The Diamond managed to free himself from the other more or less, but they were still holding onto each other a little. "Uh, hey Connie..." he awkwardly greeted her, but Lars refrained from doing so entirely. The girl surely was here to take Steven away from him!

"So, you two are  _boyfriends_ now?" she carefully concluded and Lars vehemently nodded to Steven's joy. "Uh, congratulations, I guess! I really hope, I'm not bothering you... But uh, Steven, do you want to go shopping with me? I need to buy a few presents and have no one to go with," she asked innocently, since she had little to no other friends. The Diamond shrugged, but Lars held him a little tighter. He didn't want him to go somewhere with her! What if she tried to abuse him again? "Awesome! Let's go!" she exclaimed happily.

Steven turned towards Lars again, looking sheepishly at him "Sorry for leaving you alone again today, b-but I promise I will stay the next days!"

The commander's heart melted at the sight of his boyfriend and he embraced him completely "It's alright, just be  _careful_." The pink gem nodded dutifully, knowing, what was implied here. He wouldn't let Connie go too far! He then proceeded to steal another, addictive kiss at which the girl blushed awkwardly. 

 


	6. Tension

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lars gets a little too affectionate for comfort, Steven doesn't like going this fast.

~~22nd December, Evening~~

Steven came back and looked all sorts of exhausted. He stripped himself of his jacket and shoes, being a little cold. He had run around town for  _hours_! 

"There you are! I thought, you ran away..." his new boyfriend joked gently and approached him. He made a move to kiss the other or rather make out with him, but the Diamond pushed him away after a short while.

"Please, not now. I'm tired, cold, my feet hurt and I'm hungry..." he whined dramatically and pouted. 

The zombie felt a little offended at being denied the physical contact he craved, but understood  _somewhat_. "Well, I can at least solve one of those things now! I uh... got  _bored_ and made you dinner," he shyly stated, still not very confident in it. He hadn't really been bored per se, he wanted to get into Steven's good graces and favorably  _pants_. The gem thanked him tiredly and plunged down on the couch, while the commander brought him some kind of soup and bread. He greedily downed it all, helping him warm up again. 

"You're the  _best_ boyfriend I ever had..." the Diamond murmured and got himself more soup.

"There wasn't actually one before me,  _was there_?!" Lars inquired immediately. He was an inherently jealous person, he just couldn't help it!

Steven giggled and sat down next to Lars again. "No, not really~ Well, Kevin liked Stevonnie quite a lot, I suppose. But we declined, of course!" he snorted at seeing Lars' expression of relief. After a short pause he pried "Did you have any? B-Boyfriends or...  _girlfriends_?" He didn't even know, whether the zombie was bi or gay. He himself was open to everything, especially pink zombies.

"O-Oh, uh... Sadie was pretty into me, I guess. B-But I'm not into girls, so no," he shook his head. Most people in his age already had had a partner or two and it embarrassed him to be such a late bloomer. But it had been kind of hard to attract other gay guys, when he had been forced into the closet. "So, was Connie nice to you or do I have to kill her?" he changed the topic.

"She was nice, but she questioned me about you. I-It went a little  _far_ at times," the Diamond finished his soup, about to nod off. He wished he was more of a gem and didn't need sleep- at least not this much!

He cocked his head "Far?" 

His boyfriend blushed "Yeah... she uhm asked if we, you know,...  _did it_ already." The older teen laughed at that; he hadn't expected the Diamond's friend to be so...  _dirty_.

"Oh? I wouldn't mind doing you~" he coed and kissed Steven's cheek.

"Wha- LARS! Y-You can't just say that..." he squirmed away a little to the other's dismay. He was asked, why not. "B-Because it's not... we have been together for half a day, Lars! A-And I don't even know...," he broke of in shame.

"And you don't even know? Didn't you have sex ed or something?" Lars teased him a little for fun, but it made the Diamond snap at him to his shock.

He defended himself, getting upset "Y-You  _know_ I never went to school! A-And my dad isn't really all that helpful." Greg had already given him the talk, but had used lots of weird metaphors with bees and stuff. Also, he doubted his dad had any experience with other  _males_. 

"Oh dear," the zombie gasped, but tried to calm the other down again "I didn't want to make fun of you,  _love_. If you want to, I can help you along or just explain, but perhaps not _here_." He didn't want any gems walking in on them. He found this kind of cute honestly, but a little concerning. He wasn't really into  _topping_ , but if Steven had no idea, what he was doing... He'd rather not be torn apart, thank you very much. The gem blushed like mad, but he didn't mind. It's not like Lars had any real experience outside of porn either. 

They went upstairs then, as it was pretty late anyway. After closing the door, Steven began undressing. Lars was a little put off at first, but then remembered this was normal for boyfriends. And it wasn't as if he'd undress fully. All the  _interesting_ parts stayed covered and were soon hidden beneath PJ-shorts. He couldn't help, but peak a little though and notice a little detail. "What happened to your gem?" he asked a little worried, while changing.

Steven had no idea, what he was talking about at first. But he soon got it "Oh, I turned it after I poofed. I just didn't like playing pretend anymore, that's all."

"Looks good~" his boyfriend cooed. It now looked like a real diamond! Steven then sat down on the bed, sadly fully dressed. He joined him, sitting across from him. "So, do you want to learn, how to fuck?" he snorted at himself.

"C-Could you not be so...  _bold_ about it? I-It's awkward, if you say it like that!" the gem whined and looked at him, like he was a pervert. "B-But yeah. T-That doesn't mean though, we'll actually do it!" he added. He didn't feel comfortable with it, yet. There was still so much, he had to learn about Lars. This weird, sexual side of him had been hidden from him for example! Lars asked him then, what he already knew "W-Well... Dad said something about safety first and condoms. A-And that one shouldn't rush it. But the rest? H-He kind of tried to explain it with bees and it didn't make much sense!" It wasn't his fault, he didn't know!

So he had to start from scratch. "Yeah, condoms are important. But uhm only if the other can get pregnant or might be  _ill_. I know I'm not and you might not even be able to, so don't worry. So, with girls it's a little easier. They don't need much preparation or lube, but you shouldn't just  _ram_ it in there either. Men are a little more difficult. You hopefully know, men don't have vaginas," Lars chuckled and Steven looked at him with an expression, that said ' _no shit_ '. He knew  _that much_. "Well, boys only h-have two openings to use then. Don't worry about blowjobs though, not much can go wrong. Hm... you  _could_ gag and puke if you go too far, but that's unavoidable almost. But if you wanna go from behind, you have to be careful. A-Asses are not really  _made_ for being used like that, so you need to uh  _stretch them_. Then you can go in  _with lube_ and slowly..." he went on to explain. He'd much rather  _show_ than tell!

"A-And how do you  _stretch it_...?" Steven sheepishly asked and Lars only wriggled his fingers around. He cringed "E-Eew! How- why would that feel good even? It sounds kinda disgusting..." He had just decided to stay celibate for the remainder of eternity.

"Not  _eew_! You obviously  _clean_ yourself beforehand. W-Well, some people are into that sorta thing, but that's uh besides the point. There's like a special spot  _way up your butt_ , which makes it feel  _very good_. You just have to find it," he defended it. The Diamond looked at him however, as if he was telling him a weird conspiracy theory. "But that's nothing  _you'll_ have to worry about, because you won't be  _on the receiving end_ ," he snorted and blushed impossibly more.

"I don't think I like this," Steven whined.

He rolled his eyes "You would, if you'd let me show you. It's not that scary and it feels good." He wanted the other to  _take_ him already...

"How would  _you_ know? O-Or did I miss something?!" the hybrid's eyes widened.

"No,  _I'm all yours_ , love~ But we both  _love_ each other, so it shouldn't be scary. Also, have you never  _jerked off_ before?" the commander chuckled at the other's innocence. He'd completely ruin his boyfriend.

He was so not comfortable with talking about this stuff. "O-Of course I did, but... not  _often_. P-Pearl watched me sleep, so I had no opportunity really..." he averted his eyes. He felt childish for being like this. A hand suddenly stroked along his thigh, but he pushed it away with a gasp "N-No. I don't want to do it  _now_ \- I n-need some time."

He was quite disappointed there, but forcing him would be bad. "It's alright. Take your time, I'll live. But cuddling is still cool, right?" he carefully inquired. If he couldn't even cuddle, he'd loose it in the course of one day. Steven nodded, but began sobbing out of nowhere "H-Hey, what's wrong? Why are you crying now?"

"I-I... I'm so sorry, I just can't... I'm scared of this a-and I know you wanna-" he incoherently cried, Lars quickly grasping for him and holding him close.

"Shh... It's okay. Don't do it, if you aren't feeling comfy.  _I'll manage_. I might sometimes go too far on accident, but if you tell me no, I'll  _always_ stop," he cooed softly, hating himself for making his boyfriend feel pressured. He shouldn't have been so  _overt,_ Steven clearly got disturbed by it. For an alien emperor, his boyfriend was far too innocent at times. He proceeded to push at the other, so they fell over and onto the bed, Lars laying somewhat on top of the other. The crying didn't really lessen at all, so he doubled his efforts at embracing the other and comforting him. He shouldn't have brought this up right away...  He whispered lovingly then "Don't  _worry_ so much. We will go at your pace and I'll be perfectly happy with it! I-I don't want to force you into anything..."

The Diamond still went on wailing "You're lying! Y-You want this... a-and you're not content without doing it!" He knew it! After mere hours of their relationship, he had already upset the commander! He tried to shove the other off in irrational frustration, feeling like running away. He stilled however, when a hand was shoved beneath his shirt and rested on his gemstone. "L-Lars...?" he whimpered and tensed. Was this a threat or a loving gesture? It could be both...

"I'm not lying, you moron. Of course I would be happier, if you uh  _went along_ with it, but that doesn't mean I'm  _miserable_ now!" he shook his head and stroked over the diamond once. He had seen his crew do so for Rhodonite and had asked, what they were doing. It was supposed to show he could be trusted and protected the other. It could  _also_ be taken as extortion, as he could pull the stone out with enough force. But why would he?

Steven relaxed at the other enveloping the gem and not trying to poof him apparently. His crying died down to mild sniffling, while Lars happily explored the gemstone in it's turned state.  Lars also leaned up to kiss his cheek at which he couldn't help, but grin sheepishly. "S-So it is uhm  _okay_ , if we wait?" he insecurely asked again and Lars nodded in approval. "Thank you..." he whispered and grasped for his boyfriend, so he could embrace him better.

"You don't have to thank me for not  _raping_ you," the commander snorted and covered them both with a blanket, before letting himself be held and falling asleep.  He had a few, mild nightmares, but it was alright. Steven was there to help him, after all!

~~23rd December, Morning~~

"That's delicious- how do you do that?!" Steven more or less moaned, while eating waffles, scrambled eggs and bacon. 

"Years of experience~" he cooed and stuffed a goose. He had taken it upon himself to cook for Steven and the others. Steven was a fairly good chef, but he felt like he needed to do  _something_ to show his gratitude. Once he had done that, he began making a brew with red wine and christmassy herbs. To unnerve his boyfriend a little, he took a sip of the alcohol and was immediately scolded.

"L-Lars! Pearl didn't buy that for you, so you could drink it!" the Diamond gasped.

He giggled "I'm only pulling your leg; I can't get drunk anyway." Once the brew was finished, he put it in a big bucket along with the raw goose. 

"A-And that just stays in there until tomorrow?" the gem-hybrid eyed it a little suspiciously. 

"Exactly. It'll taste  _perfect_ , trust me... By the way, what are we doing today? I don't feel like watching those Christmas movies all over again, honestly," he sighed and washed his hands. All the other cooking would be done tomorrow. 

Steven blushed a little, not being sure, how Lars would react. "U-Uhm... I'd kinda like to visit my dad and, you know...  _tell him of us_?" he carefully proposed, watching his boyfriend closely. Greg would come by tomorrow and he'd rather tell him beforehand in case he got a heart-attack.

"Oh," he made simply. He thought of his own parents' reaction, which he hadn't told Steven yet. "Is he uh... is he okay with you having a  _boy_ friend?" he nervously asked. 

"Yeah, he will be. You know him Lars, he's super nice- he'll love you! He might question you a little, though," he smiled apologetically and assumed the topic had ended with that. The zombie slowly sat down in front of him however, looking like a kicked puppy.

"T-There is something, I need to tell you..." he began saying and Steven panicked. Perhaps he'd rather keep this relationship secret? Or break up already?! The zombie anxiously combed through his hair with one hand, averting his eyes "M-My parents called yesterday and I told them of  _this_. Uh, they weren't all too happy with it..."

Steven relaxed, as at least _he_ hadn't done anything wrong. He saw his boyfriend being saddened though and consoled him "They'll accept it some day, I'm sure! Ignore them for now."

"I hope you're right. M-My mom is probably a little more open to this than my dad. Dad is... he's rather homophobic," he cringed at old memories resurfacing.

"I always thought, they were super nice..." Steven showed his confusion. It's as if they were talking about different people!

He snorted bitterly "Yeah, they  _can_ be. As long as I'm not  _behaving_ gay or looking like  _this_. They only got worse, since I died, too. I'd rather not talk about this, though." The Diamond nodded in understanding and grasped for the other's hand to hold it. Soon after, they made their way to the car wash. 

~~

It was so weird to walk through town again. Lars only wore the pink pullover, as Steven didn't have another jacket for him. Not, that it was necessary anyway. He got a little fidgety, once they were at the pier, where lots of their acquaintances walked around. He and Steven were holding hands, so it was  _pretty_ obvious they were an item now. No one really commented though, some even looked away on purpose. They however met the cool kids at one point, who congratulated them. 

Jenny proudly stated "Of course you would get together- I  _knew_ it! Another bet won! But really, you two look very cute together. You even wear similar colors; very stylish!" Lars thanked her insecurely, not knowing, whether she was serious or only making fun of them. The couple went on then, wanting to fulfill their mission. The zombie was filled with anxiety- what if Mr. Universe didn't like him?

Greg was currently shoveling away snow from his driveway, but soon saw them and waved happily. He stopped however, when he noticed the hand-holding. "Hey little rockstar and...  _Laramie_. What are you doing here? I-It's not Christmas yet, is it?" he asked and chuckled awkwardly. What was going on here?

Steven chirped "No, it's not. We uh... have something to tell you!" Greg then proceeded to suspiciously let his eyes wander up and down the pink boy. He hadn't seen him in ages and he knew, something had been up with him. "L-Lars is my uuuh...  _boyfriend_!" he declared and waited for a reaction.

" _Is he now_. Since when?" Greg squinted his eyes, making Lars insecure even more than before.

"Since yesterday! And there kinda is more. He is also going to move in with me!" Steven happily stated, hoping his dad would be happy for him.

"Son, I'd like to speak with you  _boyfriend_ alone for a while, is that okay?" Greg suddenly asked and the two tensed. Steven asked him, why. "Your old man is just worried as always, is all," he grunted and motioned for Barriga to follow him behind the car wash. The zombie was really scared then. The Diamond wasn't as rebellious as he was; if Greg said no to this, he wouldn't oppose him. "So,  _boy_. What are your  _true_ intentions with my son, huh?" Mr. Universe pried.

"T-True intentions, sir?" the commander shifted around uncomfortably under the older man's gaze.

Greg shook his head and his voice dropped lower dangerously "Drop the  _act_. I've known you, since you were little, Barriga. You  _never_ showed interest in him. So what is it? D-Do you want to exploit him for  _the money_? Or do you just want a cool trophy?" Greg was a very loving and chill person normally, but not when he felt concern for his only child.

"No! I-I don't want his money o-or a  _trophy_. I really do love him, I promise! I wouldn't- I wouldn't hurt him like that! A-And I did have interest, I just... couldn't  _show_ it," he defended himself quickly. His love for Steven had really started with his revival, but there had been certain  _affections_ before that. 

"Anyone could say that! So you are telling me, you were afraid to show your love for him, but you suddenly aren't anymore?! Sounds rather fishy, son!" Greg growled darkly. His son had sacrificed so much in his life, he wouldn't allow him to be abused like this!

He panicked a little "I-I..." But then admitted "I-I couldn't show it, because my dad was-  _is_ against it, Mr. Universe. If I had... he would only have  _p-punished_ me. B-But since Steven promised to let me live with him a-and I'm 18 now, I don't have to worry about it anymore." He shook all over, not liking this at all. 

"Punished?" Greg cocked his head in mild concern. He knew Dante was quite...  _conservative_ at times, but this did not sound good at all.

Lars looked like a scared rabbit about to run away and hide. "I- I shouldn't talk about this," he cringed at himself for having let that slip. 

"He did-1 Did he  _hurt_ you?" Steven's dad carefully implied. He'd never do it himself and he despised parents, that did it. It only left the teens depressed and full of anxiety. Lars couldn't say it, but reluctantly nodded. He didn't want to think of it. It rarely had happened; only ever, when his dad got enraged. "Laramie, you have to tell someone about this- does Steven know this?!" he then inquired.

"N-No, please don't tell anyone! I-It's my  _own_ fault..." he pleaded immediately and Greg concluded, Steven did not. 

The zombie looked like he was about to have a panic-attack, so he firmly hugged him. "Don't you say that, it's  _never_ your fault. I'm not forcing you to go to the police, but please  _at least_ tell Steven. He can protect you, you know that. I'm sorry for accusing you of those things, I never could have guessed..." he softly comforted his son-in-law. Beach City wasn't all fun and games, after all.

"T-Thank you, sir... I w-will try," he still shook a little, but enjoyed hugging the soft man. Steven's dad was so awesome! He was so loving and caring... No wonder, Steven was like that as well. He didn't know, how to tell his boyfriend of theses other problems- he'd rather not think about them. After gaining back his composure, the two returned to a worried sick Steven. They assured him of everything being alright though and soon parted ways.

~~Later, Steven's Room~~

He  _had_ to tell him, but he felt so ashamed. Lars was sitting on Steven's bed cross-legged and gently stroking Lion, who had joined him. The cat had apparently taken a liking to him, as they were alike in many ways. Steven would come upstairs now any second, since he had wanted to tell the Crystals of their relationship too. Once the door opened, Steven looked pretty positive "They took it well, but Garnet knew it anyway." He noted and then sat down too. He extended one hand to Lars' cheek, pulling him into a kiss. The commander lazily returned it, but wasn't really in the mood. The Diamond noticed "Something wrong? W-Was my dad mean to you?"

"N-No, not really. He just  _advised_ me. I-I have to tell you something,  _again_ ," Lars looked down at the blanket depressedly. Steven took his hand in support, fearing the worst again. The commander whimpered "I told you, my dad is a l-little  _difficult_ sometimes. But I left something out. S-Something bad." Steven encouraged him to go on, even though Lars was visibly scared. "H-He... he punished me f-for liking you before. N-Not all the time, b-but often enough..." he admitted and barely held back his tears.

"Punished you- in h-how far?" the Diamond's eyes widened and he began despising the other's parents.

"I- He... H-He hit m-me o-or, well... He  _beat_ me u-up really," he shakily answered and couldn't go on. He began sobbing from stress and angst, while Lion carefully licked one of his hands in comfort. The feline didn't understand, what was said, but he saw his kin's distress. 

The hybrid didn't know, how to react. He wanted to ask, why he had not told him at first, but decided against it. Blaming Lars wouldn't help. He gently stroked Lars' arm and whispered "Thank you for telling me. Lars, if I can do anything-"

"N-No. Just... If we ever meet him,  _p-please_ protect me," he begged and Steven nodded. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the 9 kudos! 
> 
> Btw, I hope I'm not messing up any of the traditions. Christmas in Germany differs from the one in the US, I think...
> 
> Also, sorry for making this go a little dark or smutty at times. I just love the drama, I can't help it!


	7. Christmas!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas, but not all goes as planned!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently some people are too retarded to understand basic things about writing. I'm going to enlighten those few, select idiots now:
> 
> Just because some characters, Dante and Martha for example, are behaving homophobic, violent and whatever, doesn't mean it's my fucking opinion. Why would I write gay porn, if I hate gays??? Sorry my fanfictions aren't all happy and BORING, guys. Sorry I try to bring contrasts and suspense into them! 
> 
> Seriously, what is wrong with you. If you want a happy story, watch the fucking teletubbies and not a work, which has explicit tags on it. What did you think, abuse, blood and gore meant??

~~24th December, Noon~~

He messed the recipe up for the second time now. 

 _He,_  Lars Barriga, messed up so  _bad_  the cookies tasted like utter shit. Had he forgotten the sugar? He angrily gripped at his hair and discreetly disposed of them. 'What is wrong with me?' he blamed himself and sighed shakily. Steven was currently off to  _stars know where_ with his Crystal friends. Out of all days, a corrupted gem had chosen today to cause havoc. He got new flour, sugar and other stuff to make new cookies.  Why was he this anxious? Well...

First off, they would fuse this evening, which was a pretty big deal. He would form another  _being_ , of course he was scared! Then Greg would also come by later and  _everyone_ would try his food. If he continued to mess it up though, he'd surely begin crying soon. He was lastly feeling kind of upset for having given away his secret of abuse. Steven now walked on eggshells around him and was super gentle.  _He didn't want that_. He wanted to be treated like a  _normal_ person for once! Not like a zombie, not like a depressed human, not like a victim of abuse... just  **normal**! 

He treated the dough pretty harshly, slamming it onto the counter repeatedly and ripping it apart with shaking hands. Had he forgotten something again? He ate a little of the dough, but deemed it good enough. He then formed the cookies itself  _again_ and put them in the oven  _again_. Now the kitchen looked horrendous, flour everywhere. He cleaned it up  _again_ and then continued the other food. Why had he done this? Why had he ever unveiled he could cook? At one point, he saw his reflection in the oven's glass and sobbed in frustration. He had  _flour_ in his orange hair and everywhere else, really. He wiped it away for the most part, not enjoying this at all. 

He was supposed to be happy! It was his gift to Steven... And none of this should make him this moody. He was in love with Steven, he lived in a great, new home and he'd spend Christmas with the ones, he loved! But he just couldn't shake off his past. He couldn't make the hurt of a few years disappear in four days. This was unfair!  Why did  _he_ have to feel this way? This night, he also had been plagued with nightmares of his  _dad_ and  _dying_.  If he didn't need to cook, he'd probably sulk in bed right now. But he couldn't disappoint the others...

Just as he was about to turn off the oven, someone rang the bell. He looked at the clock- it was far too early for Greg to come. It was almost, as if no time had passed, since he had started cooking. Had someone else been invited? He went over to the door, but regretted it instantly. It was now a solid door, since Steven's house had been destroyed. But there was a window nearby; when one looked through it at the right angle, people in front of the door could be seen. 

"Open the door  **right now**!" was shouted and he could recognize the voice as his dad's. He took a few steps back from the door, not really sure, what to do. "I know you freaks are in there!" was declared next and Dante heavily knocked against the door. 

Steven never locked the front door.

Anyone, who knew, could just enter.

'Fuck- W-What do I do?!' he freaked out. He had no key to lock it, either. If his dad tried, he could come in. He tried running for the warp-pad, but was stopped by the sound of the door opening. 'No, no, no...!' he whimpered in fear. 

"There you are! You little-" his father shouted and approached him. He tried using the warp-pad then, but it  _didn't work_. He knew how to use it- why-

"D-Dad, no!" he begged, as his father had began running for him. Not again-

"That's what you get, you little  _faggot_ -" his father growled and then punched him in the gut. He stumbled backwards and onto his butt, giving his dad more chances to kick him. Red _b_ _lood_ coated the floor and warp-pad, while he was cornored against the temple's door. 

He cried "No- Please! D-Dad... I'm sorry!" Dante laughed menacingly and suddenly had a candle-holder in his hands, ready to bash his head in with it. "No- No,  _please d-don't_! Help-" It hurt so  _much;_ he felt his  _skull_ cracking. He was going to die-

"Shh... Lars, you're only having a bad dream..."

~~24th December, Early Morning~~

"Wha- What...? I-," Lars struggled against someone holding him down; he couldn't see! His dad- where was he? Was he-

"Hey... it was only a nightmare. You're here  _with me_! Calm down... everything's okay," a soft, gentle voice whispered to him and a hand soothingly rubbed at his wrists. 

He looked around with wide eyes, slowly calming down enough to take in his surroundings. "S-Steven?" he sobbed then and the Diamond let go of his hands, seeing no danger in doing so. He had had to do it, since Lars had trashed around so violently, he had hit him and  _Lion_ a few times. The feline companion had decided to have a sleep-over with them tonight. He then pulled his boyfriend up gently, so he could embrace him.

"Yeah, it's me! It was all a dream... you're safe with me~," he softly reminded and gave the other a kiss on his forehead. This was the worst nightmare, he had witnessed so far. He rocked gently back and forth, while Lion also purred and rubbed his head against Lars helpfully. 

"I-I thought... It w-was so fucking real-" he cried and buried his face in the crook of Steven's neck, inhaling his sweet smell. 

The Diamond could do nothing, but hold him and whisper sweet nothings. When the other had calmed down somewhat, he asked carefully "What did you dream about,  _baby_? It seemed pretty horrible."

"I-I was alone and cooked, e-everything went wrong over and over again. T-Then my dad came in a-and... I tried to warp away, but it didn't work. He... He  _killed_ me," Lars told him. He liked the nickname and let himself be gently held. He should have seen, it was a dream! He had even looked like his old self, for stars' sake! He was so dumb...

"Trust me, none of that will happen. I won't leave your side..." he reassured his boyfriend. The zombie softly nodded in understanding. Steven let him go then, so he could lay down again. Lars turned towards Lion and rested his face on his mane. The two couldn't access the portals of each other, which was probably good. Meanwhile Steven began spooning him again, kissing his neck softly. It was far too early to stand up; it was like 3 am! They soon drifted off again, with Lion steadily purring for them and keeping watch. 

~~24th December, Late Morning~~

Steven had helped him make the chocolate-cookies and they immediately had came out awesome. He couldn't help though and feel a little fidgety after the dream. Now he rubbed the goose in honey, while the Diamond watched him. "I can't wait for the turkey! It's gonna taste so good," Steven happily chirped.

"That's not a turkey, love. It's a goose, but thank you," Lars chuckled lightly. Once he was finished, he began heating up the oven, so he could put in the bird later. 

"Can't we just eat it  _raw_?" Amethyst whined and had her head resting on the counter. She was forbidden from doing so however and also was told to not eat all the cookies. She sighed and pouted, before running off.  

Lars washed his hands, which were still shaking slightly. Steven of course saw it and went over to him, hugging him from behind. "Still worried?" he inquired, while rubbing circles into the commander's stomach. He nodded weakly, melting into the touch. He wished so much, they would go  _further_ already. But he wouldn't mention it. "Well, we could ask Garnet about it, if you wanna," the Diamond proposed.

"No, i-it's stupid and she probably has better things to do," he shook his head.

"I somehow doubt that..." the hybrid giggled. Garnet was currently relaxing, while listening too christmassy music. He let Lars turn around in his embrace and the sealed their lips together. Like always, it was pretty chaste and stopped, before it could go any further. Next, Steven pulled Lars towards the fusion in the living room to question her. 

He motioned for Lars to speak, but he was a little shy. After further pushing though, he asked "Uh, Garnet? Can I-"

"Yes," she agreed too early. "Your parents are on their way here currently," she stated neutrally.

"WHAT?! W-Why didn't you warn us? They will-" he panicked. Was she crazy? If they had known, they could have hid.

"It will be alright, trust me. As long as you don't provoke them, everything will turn out well. Now, I can't tell you more or it would change the future again," she sadly told him then. 

Lars wished, he hadn't asked her. Without saying a word, he ran upstairs and got his phone out of the nightstand, he had put it in. He turned it on, while Steven caught up with him. A few messages came from his parents, demanding he'd call back. They also left a voicemail however. He played it aloud, so Steven could hear, too:

"Sweetie, we are coming to pick you up. You're  _clearly_ confused! We're sorry for leaving you behind, but this isn't the solution. Just think of  _us_ for one second! We almost lost you before and now you want to leave us! You can't do this to u-" the voicemail  _would_ have gone on, if Lars hadn't thrown the device against the nearest wall. 

"Lars! D-Don't get angry- remember, what Garnet said!" Steven gasped and grasped for the older one's arm gently, preventing any more destruction. 

"Don't get  _angry_? How? T-They... They possess the  _audacity_ to blame  _me_! L-Like I'm the bad one here!" he snapped slightly in distress. He couldn't deal with his dad and mom coming to visit. They would ruin everything- wasn't it enough, they haunted his dreams?

The Diamond however tried his best to calm him down "But if you provoke them, it won't help! It will only make them think, they're right! If you are happy here though, they might see their error and change... Please, baby, don't snap at them. We all know you're the victim, their opinion doesn't matter." 

"I..." he wanted to talk back, but couldn't find a reason to. 

"Let's fight them with  _love_ ," Steven declared like a dork.

He snorted shortly "Oh stars... I hope you're right or Garnet is for that matter."


	8. Christmas 2!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas continues and things evolve into something better.

~~24th December, Late Noon~~

Lars nervously sat on the couch, resting his head on both hands. Steven sat next to him, having a supportive hand on his back, while Garnet counted down the minutes they had left. The zombie whined "Can't we just ignore them? They'll give up eventually..." Steven had even pressured him into wearing his commander's outfit to make a statement.

Steven shook his head "No, we have to face them. If we don't, they'll just keep on harassing you!" This had to stop, especially since there had been past abuse. He'd rather join the Diamond Authority than let Lars get hurt one more time! "And what is the worst they could do? You're 18 and we're there to help you!" he added as well.

Soon Garnet was only counting down seconds anymore and grumpy footsteps could be heard outside. Then, someone knocked on the door and Lars' breath hitched uncontrollably, making him want to run away. This is similar to how the dream started... "I-I can't do this-" he panicked and made a move to stand up.

"Lars, it's  _okay to be afraid_ , remember? Don't worry, we'll get through this together!" the Diamond hugged him and went towards the door. After some internal fighting with himself, Lars followed him. Once they were at the door, the younger one abruptly opened it.

" _Universe_ ," Dante hissed more or less. He was the sole reason, his son had been  _messed up_ in his opinion! Mr. Barriga then saw his son standing behind the weird hybrid and demanded "Laramie, come with us now and you'll get one more chance!" He'd perhaps manage to get some  _sense_ into that boy, yet.

Steven denied him his order though and then proceeded to say "I'm afraid he won't come with you."

"Who are you to decide that, huh? You and your weird friends  _brainwashed_ our son into this! This isn't, what he wants!" he growled. 

The zombie felt pretty stressed out and anxious, but still managed to oppose his father " _He_ is my boyfriend, dad! And there was no brainwashing. Now,  _I_ give  _you two_ one last chance! Either you are nice and celebrate Christmas with us or you'll never see me again! What will it be?" 

Dante obviously wanted to say no right away, but Martha kept him from doing so. She wasn't really in favor of her son being here, but she couldn't loose him, either! So she quickly agreed "Y-Yes, we'll stay and celebrate! Perhaps we'll come to an understanding yet...! She angrily swatted her husband, as he still tried to intervene. "No Dante! We will stay here- didn't you listen to him?" she whispered intently and the pulled him inside stubbornly. Lars and Steven let go a breath, they didn't knowingly hold. 

The commander motioned for them to sit at a big table, that stretched across half the room almost. After all,  _all_ their friends would come! Those friends soon made themselves known, storming inside happily. There were Connie, the Off-Colors, Greg, Lapis, Peridot and Bismuth... The gems didn't all want to eat luckily or Lars would have had to cook far more. The more gems sat down at the large, wooden table, the more uncomfortable the parents of Lars got. They were kind of scared of the strong aliens. Suddenly Steven sprang up and stood on a chair, declaring "Thanks everyone for coming! Now, let us celebrate our friendship and love- by eating the nice meal Lars made us! O-Or at least watching and chatting a little!" He then helped Lars and Pearl carry everything over from the kitchen to the table. 

Martha was honestly in awe at what her son had cooked. He normally never showed it off like that, being too shy... Dante meanwhile tried his hardest  _not_ to let him get lulled into thinking, Lars was indeed happy here.

Soon all the humans, the one cat and Amethyst had food on their plates and began greedily downing it. Greg patted Lars on his shoulder, acknowledging his good cooking "That's really good, Laramie! And I thought little Steven was already a nice chef." Lars blushed a deeper shade of pink and thanked him sheepishly. 

Steven, who also sat besides Lars, chirped "Yeah, it's really good!" and kissed his cheek. Dante angrily  _stabbed_ his piece of goose at that. The zombie saw it out of the corner of his eye and decided to tease him. He greedily pulled at Steven's cheek, so he would be facing him. 

" _I love you_ ," he audibly whispered and sealed the other's lips with his own. Steven hummed in joy at hearing those words spoken for the first time. He  _could_ fuse now, but he'd wait just a while longer. Lars went on kissing him unexpectedly long, more or less devouring him. A tongue even swiped across his lips, but he was a little too modest to do it in public. Also, he kind off needed to  _breathe_. He let go of his boyfriend then and reddened at a few stares they got. At the same time Lars' parents were heatedly whispering something to each other. 

Garnet tried to eat a little as well, doing it for Steven. She knew already, what would come to pass this evening and decided to help a little. She directed her attention towards the couple, asking "So... when will you fuse?" She knew perfectly well, when. But this could all go pretty badly, if they did it  _without_ telling the others of their plan. Pearl regarded Garnet with pure confusion, as did the Off-Colors. Amethyst couldn't begin to care, as the food was too distracting. They all knew, no one had dared to fuse with Steven in  _months_. 

Dante and Martha looked kind off confused, but didn't comment just yet. Instead, Lars insecurely answered "U-Uh... probably  _today_?" He turned towards Steven, who nodded in approval.

Connie gasped in awe, but also shock "You will fuse? T-That's uh  _nice_! Do you have a name for the fusion yet?" She felt rather jealous, since Steven didn't fuse with her anymore, but she also loved seeing new fusions! She had no idea, how to feel really.

The Diamond had thought about this for a  _very_ long time "He'll be called Stars! Nice, huh?" He couldn't wait and see, how Stars would be and how it would feel to be one with his boyfriend. He'd probably feel lots of negative stuff, but he could get over that. 

Dante asked  in disgust "What is fusing?" Was this some kind of sexual practice, gems used? Most people looked at him in utter disbelief and frowned. Garnet thought it would be easier to show than tell.

" _This_ is fusion," she declared and briefly unfused. The Barrigas didn't like this witchcraft one bit and told their son, he wasn't allowed to do this.

Before the commander could even begin to get mad at him, his crew did for him. Rhododnite snapped " Yeah? And who are you to tell captain Lars that? If he wants to fuse, it's his  _right_ to do so! I thought we left all of this behind, when we left Homeworld!" She couldn't believe there were anti-fusion parties here as well! 

" _I_ am his father! I don't want my son to get any more involved in this, than he already was! He's a human- h-humans shouldn't do these sorta things," he growled, while Martha held his arm, so he wouldn't stand up and cause even bigger a scene.

Lars laughed bitterly "Are you blind? I am  _not_ a human, dad! Also, this weird gem-magic is the only reason I'm still sitting here!" Why was his father so narrow minded? He should be thankful for the gems. If it weren't for them, Earth would have been colonized a few thousand years ago.

His mother tried to deescalate the situation somewhat, having grown a little fond  of the gems "We know that, sweetie a-and we are grateful for that. W-We just don't think, this is healthy for you!"

" _Healthy_? Don't come at me with  _healthy_!" he snapped and stood up to Garnet's and Steven's dismay. Lars then shouted "So being with  _you_ is healthier, than being with people, I  _actually_ love?! I guess being beaten up by your  _fucking_ dad is a form of therapy then? Do you even know, what you did to me? I'm depressed, scared and **every** night is utter hell thanks to you! Don't you dare say, that being with you is healthy in any way- how delusional can you possibly be?" He had enough of being scared and careful around them. The people, who didn't know of the abuse yet, cringed. 

Dante averted his eyes at being publicly shamed, and murmured "We only ever wanted your best, son! We wanted to prote-"

"I don't need  _your_ shitty protection and help! Now,  **shut up** or I'll throw you out of  _my_ home!" their son growled, shaking from his own aggressiveness. He then let himself be pulled down by Steven, who embraced him. He was glad, Lars hadn't gone further than that.

He softly whispered "I'm so proud of you for standing up to them..." The pinkish zombie nodded and sighed shakily, encircling Steven's waist, too. It was dead silent for a while, but soon the chatting continued. Dante and Martha sat there in awkward silence, watching the couple. "I love you, too... so please don't let them rile you up. They aren't worth it..." the Diamond cooed lovingly, stroking through the soft candy-cotton hair. It activated the portal, but he didn't mind much. 

"I promise not to," the commander agreed then and gave into the hug more. They had finished their meal anyway, so it didn't matter. Once everyone had finished, they led the others to the living room. It was a  _little_ cramped, even though they already had bought a second and  _third_ couch. They had too many friends for their own good... It wasn't a grand problem though, since Lars was happy enough to sit on his boyfriend's lap, letting his waist be held.

"Now," Steven gladly declared "It's time for gifts!" They had decided to do it now, since Connie wouldn't be able to be there tomorrow morning- she had an own family after all. Also, the gems wouldn't know and Steven was too excited to get presents as well. Lars was sure, his pulse would have quickened now. They would soon fuse! It took quite some time, before almost everyone had a gift in their hands and was unpacking it. It weren't super special things, but it still meant a lot. Martha felt kind of jealous. She had never seen her son this happy on Christmas before... Soon, the ground was littered in the wrappings of the presents, only Lars seemed to have stayed empty handed for now, if one disregarded the two  _intruders_. Martha should have known, of course they would forget her sweetheart. The Diamond however excitedly asked his boyfriend "Are you ready?"

"Uh... yeah?" Lars answered insecurely at that. He wasn't really; he didn't even know, what to expect. Still, when he saw the Diamond grinning at him like mad, he knew it would be alright. He was a  _little_ scared it wouldn't work, but oh well. When Steven grasped for his chin and 'forced' him into a kiss, he didn't care anymore. 

"W-What the-" Mr. Barriga jumped up upon seeing his son and Steven transform into light for a few seconds. 

The first seconds of being fused, were always a little scary, Stars gathered from Steven. Breathing alone was weird, since Lars normally didn't. The other fusions in the room regarded him in awe. Stars had rather long, candy-cotton and curly hair and pale skin. He wore Steven's shirt and Lars' coat, along with white trousers. His t-shirt wasn't nearly long enough though to hide his gem, having the diamond on full display. Stars was pretty tall too, easily reaching Garnet's height. His frame was rather lithe and he sprouted four arms, which was a little hard to handle at first. He luckily only had two eyes, which weirdly had pink diamond's as pupils. He was pretty handsome all in all. He sheepishly greeted the others "H-Hey guys~"  His mind was a little conflicted at first. Stars had some negative emotions from Lars, like fear and anger. But there was also lots of love and a soothing presence within him.

Garnet ran up to him, squishing his cheeks between her hands. She happily squealed "Oh- it's so nice to meet you! You're so soft and squishy, just like I knew, you would!" She had waited for this  _so long_. Out of all of Steven's fusions, this was her favorite. She blamed her loss of calmness on Ruby, though. "And you even even look so much like a Diamond!" she added, but Stars tensed at that.

"I predict Garnet will make Stars uncomfortable  _again_ ," Padparadscha stated with one raised finger and the fusion let go of the other in mild embarrassment. 

"T-Thanks Garnet," Stars told her nevertheless. Steven had a problem with being reminded so much of who he was. Lars tried to calm him down however, not wanting him to feel bad for it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, I'm so done with this right now... I don't even have any motivation to write a smutty end to this. I hate this fic so much right now! It's more or less finished though, so it would be too sad to delete it. I'll just orphan it. 
> 
> Sorry...


End file.
